Children's Safety

 

                                                 CHILDREN’S SAFETY

              Of all the child sexual abuse cases that I have come across, perhaps the most complex once involve abusers who are family members and happened to either live in the child’s home or visit frequently the dynamics of incest can be complicated due to the relationship due to the close proximity and assess that the abuser has to the child. The abuse often starts when the child is very young. By the time the child is able to fully grasp the nature of the abuse, feeling of guilt and shame and fear of upsetting or breaking up the family may prevent disclosure. Thus, abuse is rarely revealed. Abusers more often males and could be an older cousin or brother or men in position of Authority and respect in the family, such as a father, step father and uncle or grandfather.

           Unfortunately, the disclosure of abuse, either directly by the child or by an adult accidentally witnessing an incident may not necessarily translate into safety for the child or bring an end to the cycle of abuse. The adult family members to whom the abuse is disclosed, due to lack of knowledge a about peculiar dynamics of childhood sexual abuse, may end up either minimizing the incidents or blaming the child for bringing the abuse on to himself/herself. Often the adult is unable to openly confront the abuser or take drastic measure for the child safety due to social cultural norms related to family bond and honor. All child hood sexual abuse, including incest, can have a long lasting negative impact on the wellbeing of the child who may carry the effects through his/her adult life if the issue is not addressed in a timely sensitive manner.

                There is no law mandating the reporting of such incident to a government authority. Our child protection authorities often do not have the capacity and sensitivity to deal with the situations of incest or to ensure the safety measures for the child. Many times the adult (Often a woman) to whom the abuse is disclosed may find it difficult to proceed to because of how she envisions her own relationship with the abuser. While keeping the child safe from the abuse has to be the top most priority, leaving the house where the abuser lives or asking him to leave the house may not be an immediate option for many women to whom a child discloses the abuse. However, pending a final and legal solution, some decisive steps can be taken by adults to ensure that child is safe in the interim.

                Believing the child is of utmost importance. Do not blame the child for the acting and dressing in a way that may have cause the abuse. The fault of sexual abuse always lies with the adult or older child who has more control and power in the relationship. Try not to leave the child unsupervised in the presence of abuser. Do not allow the abuser to bathe, dress or put the child to sleep. Seek the support of another trusted family members or friend under whose supervision the child can be left if need be. If circumstances allow, shift with the child to a safe space till you can decide on other measures. Let the child know about basic safety for example locking the room when sleeping and avoiding being alone as the abuser. Teach the child assertiveness skills such as saying “No” loudly, yelling, walking away, threatening to tell. But the burden of stopping the abuse must not lie on the child. Do not ever insist that the child forgives, or normalizes the situation with the abuser. Make sure the other children in the house are also from the abuse.

                Observe the abuser around the other children. Possible behavioral indicators or the adult spending too much time alone with the child, being overly physically playful and not respecting the child with too many gifts or appreciation, and the child discomfort around the adult or sexualized behavior, silence around abuse gives the abuser more power to continue offending. They silence can be broken by comforting the abuser. Share your own observation or the child disclosure and set clear boundaries related to acceptable and unacceptable behavior in case the abuser is someone who visits the house, limiting and preferably stopping those visits is important.

                In case the abuser is an older child, apart from the setting clear boundaries, seek professional, mental health support for the offending juvenile. If confronting the abuser directly seems daunting, talk to a trusted family members and seeks advise about the ways of dealing with the issue, especially ensuring the child safety, seeks support for the child and yourself from the child protection services, councilors and physiologists that have worked on these issues. The threads around incest and generally around child sexual abuse are tangled no doubt, but taking these steps may help in ensuring our children safety.

                In our country child abuse/sex with underage children are rapidly increasing. There are horrible incident which had taken place like Zainab other under age innocent children which were brutally murdered after sexual assault. This is indicating that where our society is standing right now. Likewise, other incidents of rape are also increasing day by day in our society which are creating heinous situation and alarming as well for everyone. Today everyone is worried about the safety of his or her child when he or she went out from home for any activities like school, go on shop to buy some eatable items or if a child is going alone in a street. The abusers must take advantage of such situation which provides a safe passage to them to kidnap that underage to commit sexual abuse with him or her and thereafter to commit his or her murder. In advanced countries where there is rule of law and other things, including awareness ratio of such cases is very low rather than in developing countries, especially in South Asia region which is alarming situation in respect of child safety.